Why White Wolf
Is Stupid


You've probably heard of them: White Wolf Publishing. They're the guys who made all those dark and moody games about horror monsters like Vampire: The Masquerade, Werewolf: The Apocalypse, Mage: The Ascension, or anything else that fell along the lines of Creature: The Something. They were once one of my favorite gaming companies, until they went completely stupid.

Demon: The Fallen had just come out, and I was greatly pleased by the game. It brought back a freshness to their trademark World of Darkness after a couple years of stagnation. While the earlier released Hunter: The Reckoning wasn't a bad game, it wasn't anything short of amazing. Demon; however, was amazing. The backstory was an intriguing twist, and the system well developed. And for once, since Vampire, you could play something truly evil and be damn well proud of it.

Then a year later, White Wolf revealed its rumored secret project as completely stupid and poorly thought out. The "Time Of Judgement" they called it, putting an end to their cash cows: the entire World of Darkness as we knew it. If they were going to end the World of Darkness so soon, what was the fuckin' point of releasing Demon: The Fallen in the first place? They didn't even let the gameline a chance to blossom and grow! Demon had potential!!

I can only imagine the board meeting when they made that stupid decision....

WHITE WOLF EXEC: Okay, in 2002 we release Demon: The Fallen, and advertise it as a longlasting, independent gameline unlike our other project, Orpheus, which will be advertised as a limited series of RPG books. But here's the kicker. We lied about Demon and reveal a year later that it too was essentially a limited series as well and unveil the Time of Judgement, the end of the World of Darkness. The fans will be pissed and think they wasted their money. What do you all think?

THE ENTIRE BOARD: Whoot! Yeah! That idea rocks!

So yeah, when the ToJ came along, I swore off White Wolf products. There's no point in buying more of a product that was going to end anyway. But White Wolf's stupidity didn't end there.

White Wolf is a lawsuit happy corporate business. In the past they've sued things like their own fanclub, the Camarilla. When Sony Pictures came out with its 2003 film, Underworld, their bloodsucking lawyers were at it again. When I first saw the previews, I simply saw a revival of the old Wolfman vs. Dracula flicks of the 1950s. As far as I knew, vampires and werewolves had been fighting since the old Hollywood films. But White Wolf, seen as an "underdog" by some (BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT!), saw it as a chance for publicity.

Nancy Collins, an author that no one ever fuckin' heard of before the lawsuit, claimed that the movie was directly ripped off from her short story—which also nobody ever fuckin' heard of before the lawsuit. The movie made by Sony Pictures advertised a star crossed lover storyline like that of Romeo & Juliet with a vampire and a werewolf in love. Nancy "Crackaddict" Collins said that was the plot of her obscure, badly written short story called "Love Of Monsters" and thus Sony must have ripped her off. Uh, sorry, but you can't claim a copyright on a werewolf and vampire love affair.

I've recently looked into the past of Nancy Cocksu—er, I mean Collins, and found something else that was quite ludicrous. It seems a while ago, she sued a comic book because she thought they ripped off her character Sonja Blue simply because the character in the comic was female and killed other vampires. Uh, right... reeeaal big case there. Uh-huh. Nice to know you think so big of yourself, Nancy Collins, because guess what? NO ONE ELSE DOES!!!

When the lawsuit was announced, I started this petition to White Wolf to stop being such bloody idiots. They were beginning to think that they invented vampires and werewolves, and Gothic moods and settings or something. I read the lawsuit with its "60 points of similarity" and found to my shock and amazement the most ridiculous thing ever written! It read like things such as: "In the World of Darkness, werewolves are hurt by silver. Same in Underworld." Or even: "In the World of Darkness, ancient vampires are called elders. Same in Underworld." WELL NO FUCKIN' DUH!! It's recognized widely that silver hurts werewolves and "elder" does mean OLDER!! The "60 points of similarity" went on like that, spouting things about gun usage and tight rubber and lace. SHIT! I thought my IQ was going to drop from reading the retarded drivel.

The lawsuit was set that if White Wolf won, Underworld would be completely destroyed and Sony could never market the VHS/DVD products and other merchandise pertaining to Underworld. Fortunately, I guess, the judge was as smart as me and threw out the case, as you'll notice that the VHS and DVD are being marketed as well as other Underworld merchandise. Intelligence triumphs over stupidity. And y'know what? I'll never buy another product from those idiots at White Wolf ever again. BOYCOTT!!!

Now a word from a defector from White Wolf, Bob the Malkavian.

WHITE WOLF!! WHITE WOLF!! I HAVE SOMETHING TO TELL YOU, WHITE WOLF!! Take a common variety kitchen knife, all of you do this now, and hold it behind your rear. Point the blade towards your butthole and INSERT! Twist it around in there continuously until you fuckin' bleed to death, you God damn fuckin' morons.....